STORIES: "The Tooth Fairy" by: KrayzieFemale Once upon a time there was a fairy named Lucy. She was a tooth fairy, however, she hated her job. She despised children and was sick of collecting teeth throughout the night, so she decided to look for another job. She searched through the paper and every ad she could find in hopes to find a better career. There was a very low demand for fairies and she didn't qualify for most of the jobs listed. After searching for weeks she found an opening for a fairy actress in a leading role. She knew she had no experience in acting, but she was a fairy and was desperate. She went down to the audition and discovered there was a long line of fairies and girls with pasted fairy wings on. Everyone who went into the room to audition went in with a big smile and came out with a frown. Some were even crying. Lucy was certain that she would not get the part. She wasn't as pretty and dainty as the others. She was loud and clumsy and didn't know how to act. Then after several long hours of standing in line it was Lucy's turn. She had nearly given up by now and lost all hope, but she dreaded going back to her job picking up teeth. Lucy nervously went into the audition room. It was a huge stage. One of the judges gave her directions, "Okay, we're looking for a leading female role in a comedy." Lucy knew she could always make her friends laugh so she felt she might be able to pull it off. "We want you to act as a tooth fairy," he said. Lucy was shocked. She couldn't believe she came all this way just to play a tooth fairy, the very thing she dreaded. She was about to lose it. "What!?" she yelled, "Is this a joke!? Have you any idea how much I hate children!? They always insist on staying up late to catch a glimpse of you. What is there to see? I have wings! I'm not there for their entertainment!! ...Then you wait for them to doze off, while your boss is wondering what's taking you so long! Why don't they just start brushing right so they don't fall out in the first place!? Hell, if I see another tooth again-" Lucy stopped for the burst of laughter in the room perplexed her. "That's brilliant! I love it!" said the judge. "Really? but..." said Lucy. "No, really! Every fairy we've seen isn't funny. They're just cute and dainty, but you really have what we want!" explained the judge. Lucy was surprised and yet happy. She finally found another job that pays well and will allow her to rant on about the things she hates most without having to do it. Lucy became a sitcom star overnight. She did commercials, talk shows and even hosted the Oscars. Her show won many awards and after five years of high ratings the show was unexpectedly cancelled due to "creative differences." Lucy then went bankrupt after spending her millions on spin-offs and b-movies that never made it. Because of her bad reputation for hating children and teeth, nobody would hire her as a tooth fairy. She died a poor, bitter, old fairy. "BROKEN HEARTED MUFFIN" by: KrayzieFemale Once there was a muffin named Hammy who fell in love with a piece of toast on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. "I love you to bits and I'll never leave you!" promised the toast. Then on Monday she found he was engaged to a crumbcake and it crumbled Hammy's heart. Then on Tuesday Hammy fell in love with a waffle. "I love you to bits and I'll never leave you!" promised the waffle. Then Wednesday morning she found he was cheating on her with a pancake and it squashed Hammy's heart. Then on Thursday Hammy fell in love with a cupcake. "I love you to bits and I'll never leave you!" promised the cupcake. Later that night she found he was married to a cookie and it broke Hammy's heart into bits. Then Friday Hammy fell in love with a bagel. "I love you to bits and I'll never leave you!" promised the bagel. Then on Saturday she found he was sleeping around with a donut and it tore a hole in Hammy's heart. Then later that evening Hammy fell in love with a croissant. "I love you to bits and I'll never leave you!" promised the croissant. But, she didn't believe him. She had learned her lesson. Hammy, the broken hearted muffin, stabbed and killed the croissant with a butterknife. The end! "PAPER BOATS" by: KrayzieFemale Once upon a time in a small town called Agastville, there was a bunny named Rochester who made paper boats for a living. One evening on the way home, Rochester spotted a young girl bunny sitting on the edge of the stream staring at the reflection of the moon coming up over the hills. Rochester went over to her and said, "Hi. I was just going home and noticed you sitting here alone. Are you okay?" She looked at him and back at the moon's reflection. "I'm fine," she said, "I'm just watching the moon." Rochester sat next to her. "I like the way the moon's reflection dances across the water and lights up the paper boats," she continued. Rochester looked at them thinking she was losing her mind, but after staring for a while he realized how funny it was how he never noticed just how beautiful they were. "You do great work," she said. "Thank you," he replied. A few moments later Rochester realized how late it was getting. "It's getting late. Maybe I'll see you around," he said. She looked back at him with deep blue eyes and replied, "Maybe." "Oh, what's your name?" he asked. "Brella," she answered. He then walked off while she sat staring at the stream. For the next several weeks they both spent their nights sitting at the stream, not saying anything, but just gazing at the beautiful boats lit up in the water. Even though some nights there was no moon, they'd still meet there to watch the paper boats. One evening as Rochester was leaving his work he looked over at the stream hoping to see Brella, but she wasn't there. His heart sank. She was always there each night waiting for him, but not tonight. He looked at the paper boat in his hand, which he made just for her. He began to walk home and then changed his mind. He turned around, went back to the stream and gently let his paper boat sail across the dancing reflection of the moon. He then turned to go home and noticed Brella was standing there watching the boat float onto the water. He could see the moon reflecting in her deep blue eyes, just as it did in the stream, but unlike the stream, there was sadness in her eyes. "My family and I are leaving Agastville tomorrow morning," she said, "We never stay in a town very long since my father's a travelling crop seller." After a moment, Rochester went over and took the paper boat from the stream, handed it to her and said, "Take this boat. I made it for you. You can remember me by it." "Thank you," she said. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, then she turned away to walk home with the paper boat in her hands. Rochester wondered if he'd ever see her again. "Promise me you'll write to me," he said. "I promise." said Brella. As time went on Rochester thought about Brella and often wondered if she was doing well. He often waited to hear from her, but she never wrote to him. A year had passed, but Brella kept her promise. One evening, he was leaving work and decided to go to the stream and watch the boats dance on the reflection of the moon just as he and Brella used to do, but he was taken back as he counted the boats. There was one more than he had put there earlier that day. It was Brella's boat. It had sailed all the way from the north and there was a letter attached to it. It read, "Dear Rochester, I miss you so. If you are reading this then you got my letter. I never break a promise. I am coming to Agastville, but not to visit. I plan to stay." Rochester was ecstatic. He waited everyday to see if she would come. Several weeks went by and everyday he visited the train station to see if she was coming by train, but she never came. Then one evening he sat at the train station waiting for Brella, but again she did not show. He didn't want to go home, so he decided to go to the stream. As he walked down the road he looked toward the stream. There stood Brella. He stopped in his tracks and stood there in awe hoping he wasn't dreaming. He gathered his courage to go and meet her. They both met staring in each other's eyes just as they did the night she left. Without a single word being said they fell into each other's arms and kissed. From that day forward they spent every night staring at the boats dancing on the reflection of the moon. Even till this day, if you look closely at a stream at night during a full moon, you can see their reflections dancing in the water. "THE RESTLESS KITTEN" by: KrayzieFemale Once there was a kitten who couldn't sleep because every time she got in bed, the bed would flip her out the window. She finally told her mom about the bed, but her mother didn't believe her. Later that night the kitten went to bed and just as she began to fall asleep the bed flung her out the window. So, she came back in through the kitty door and this time closed the window. She lay down and the window opened up and the bed flung her outside. She came back in and told her mom again and she said, "quit tracking mud all over the floor and just go to sleep." So, the kitty knew what she had to do. After her mom fell asleep, she slowly and carefully dragged the rug where her mother slept and onto the scary bed. In no time, the bed flung her mother out the window and into the garden. The mother came in through the kitty door and said, "tomorrow we're going shopping for a new bed." After that, the kitten didn't have trouble sleeping in her new bed and everyone lived happily ever after. "THE PAPER TOWEL THAT COULD" by: KrayzieFemale Once there was a paper towel named Tyler that fell from an empty roll. He waited weeks to be used and he often day dreamt that he'd wipe up the biggest mess ever made in history. But, sadly, he fell as the second to last paper towel was pulled from the roll. He floated onto the kitchen counter and the roll was tossed into the trash and replaced with a new one. The new paper towels on the roll looked below them and laughed, "HaHa! You'll just be thrown away now... you won't clean up ANY mess!!" Just then a woman came in saying, "Don't worry, I'll clean it up..." and Tyler looked at her with hope in his eyes. But, the woman passed by him and took three paper towels from the roll and left. Tyler was sooo disappointed, but then a man came in and said, "I'm gonna clean this mirror..." and again Tyler looked at him with a big smile, yet the man merely took a paper towel from the new roll... Soon Tyler felt very hopeless knowing he would never be used for something special... but then... A little girl came in the room crying because her puppy had to go to the vet and she missed him a lot. Tyler figured she would get a new paper towel, but when she went over to the counter she couldn't reach the roll. Just then, she reached out and grabbed Tyler instead. She wiped her tears away and went to the window to wait for her puppy to return. As she waited she held tight onto the paper towel wiping her tears here and there. Tyler knew right then that his special job wasn't to clean up a big mess, but for something even more special. And the new paper towels on the roll knew that too and looked up to him. And Tyler lived out his special day happily ever after. "THE CHEEZ-IT AND THE WHALE" by: KrayzieFemale Once upon a time, there was a little cheez-it named Flipper who lived in a little town called The Saharas. He was very lonely and sad after his two pet iguanas ran away and eloped together. He didn't like to play with the other cheez-its in the town and his mother was an alcoholic, so he had many issues. One day there was a knock at the door and Flipper answered it. "My name is Mister Kibbles and I seem to be lost," said a big blue whale, "And it seems that I took a wrong turn somewhere because I should be in Vegas by now." Flipper stared at him wondering what a big blue whale would be doing in the middle of The Saharas, Alaska, but Flipper had an idea. "If you can buy me a new pet than I will tell you exactly how to get to Vegas in no time at all, but it has to be a liger," said Flipper. He knew giving him such an impossible task would certainly teach him to never get lost again. However, Mister Kibbles agreed with the deal and went on his merry way. An hour later, Mister Kibbles knocked on his door with a kitten in his hand and said, "Okay kid! I got you a liger!!" "Um.. first of all, I'm not a kid!! And second, that is not a liger! That is a kitten!!" said Flipper. "Sure it is! It's a baby liger!!" said the whale. Flipper couldn't believe how dumb this whale was, but he gave in. "Okay. I guess I'll take the kitten since it's really cute as a dumpling." Then he told him the directions to Vegas. After the big blue whale left Flipper started to get attached to the kitten, who in fact grew up to be a genuine liger. Flipper trained the liger to claw the faces off the other cheez-its in the town and hide his mother's liquor. Flipper was finally happy. Then one day the liger was so hungry that he swallowed the cheez-it and the whale. The End!! "THE STORY OF CLYDE" by: KrayzieFemale Once there was a folding chair named Clyde who lived on the top of a hill in a remote unknown town called Las Vegas. Clyde was often picked on as a kid because his dad worked at a pig farm and his mom worked at the local brothel. One day Clyde was walking home from school and saw an old lady in need. All the other kids ignored her as they walked by, but Clyde saw that she felt faint, and so he offered her to sit on him to rest her weary legs. The old woman was so grateful that she revealed that she was really a witch and gave him the magic of flight. Once the other kids saw he could fly in the sky like a super hero they didn't pick on him anymore. Clyde then made enough money doing flying shows that his dad no longer had to work at a pig farm and his mother no longer had to work at a whore house. Although, she still chose to continue her work anyway in spite of their newfound wealth, Clyde continued to live his life happily ever after. "THE RAINBOW" by: KrayzieFemale Once there was a rainbow named Paco who loved little children. One day the sky was falling down and Paco feared the children would die. So, the brave rainbow took every bit of his strength to hold up the sky with his arched back and the children were saved. But, then the rainbow was accused of abusing little children and went to trial where he won the case due to lack of evidence. Then he went back to holding up the sky and the children were saved at last. "TIFFY GOES TO STORYLAND" by: KrayzieFemale Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Tiffy who wanted story time every minute of the day. One day her parents were so exhausted in telling her story after story that they sent her away to Storyland. When she got there a green frog named Alice appeared at the entrance and welcomed her to the village. She told a story of a walrus and how he lost his boots in a windstorm and found them again. Then she showed her to her new home where she would live with three bears, an elf and a curious monkey. Tiffy loved her new bedroom and as soon as she sat down the elf that lived there began telling her a story of a donkey from New Jersey with a limp leg who got rich baking cookies. It started to get late and after 17 stories Tiffy started to get tired. So, she went to bed, but was awoken by one of the bears telling her another story. She said she enjoyed story time, but she needed to get some sleep. Three months later after no sleep and 6, 897, 600 stories, Tiffy started to lose her mind. So, one day she snuck out and ran through the woods all the way home. When she got there her parents were glad to see her because they missed her so much that they wanted to tell her a story. Tiffy then screamed, "NO STORY TIME!!!" Now, after eleven years of therapy, Tiffy lives in a quiet community among senior citizens in Quietville, Nebraska. "THE LONLIEST ELF" by: KrayzieFemale Once upon a time there was a very lonely elf that lived alone in the woods. One day he was picking up some turkey slices at the deli when he spotted an abusive mother smacking on her kid with a baseball bat. He called the cops and later after she was arrested he found out he had a one night stand with this woman years ago. It turned out that he was the kid's biological father! So, he took full custody of the kid and the elf was never lonely again. "THE CARROT AND THE RABBIT" by: KrayzieFemale Once, there was a carrot who lived in a garden and loved to play all day. One day, a rabbit broke in through the fence and started to chase the carrot around the garden, wanting to eat him. The carrot then hid back in the ground and after the rabbit left he filed a restraining order against her hoping it would keep him safe. However, six months later the rabbit showed up unexpectedly and started to attack the carrot in the middle of the night. He then grabbed some mace he had in his night stand and sprayed it in the rabbits eyes. The pain was so severe that after being arrested she never came back to harm the carrot again. The carrot now lives safe and sound in an undisclosed location off the coast of Australia. "TOGETHER AT LAST" by: KrayzieFemale Once upon a time there was a girl named Kate and a girl named Alice who were friends. One day a speed bump, named Michelle RanOver, ran over Alice in a dark alley and so she never arrived to Kate's birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese in time to tell her the cake was poisonous. Yes, that's right! Poisonous! Apparently Alice got mixed up with some drug pushers and their leader, a rodent named Evil-Kate, went after Kate for revenge. Alice was found in the alley by a blind acorn who took her to a nearby hospital, where she wound up in a coma. Kate became so ill from the poison in the cake that she too wound up in a coma... After Evil-Kate thought she had killed both her enemies she moved far far away where she continued to torment other kind souls. Years later, Kate and Alice were transferred to the same hospital and after 8 years they both woke up the same day. And this is what happened... "Like, OMG!" said Kate. "Like, totally!!" replied Alice. "Like, pushawww!!" said Kate. "OMG! Like, I know, huh!?" said Alice. And they lived happily ever after. ADULTS >>